The Future

I'm not very good at living for the day. I'm constantly planning for something whether it is the next day or 10 yrs from now. Along with this I feel like I need to achieve everything now at this very minute. I think I do this because I can't predict my health an hour from now, a day, or a year from now. It drives me crazy because what if I could do that something now while I am semi-healthy and I don't. The opportunity may come again but I'll be too sick to do it and the opportunity will never come a second time. most people don't have to face the fact that they may not be able to walk in the future or hold a real job. They plan for marriage and kids and some day a fun retirement. I plan for knee and hip replacements. I worry how having kids may destroy my body even more. I worry of being in a wheelchair again. I'm only 21 yrs old and this is what I must worry about. It's all been catching up to me lately and I'm trying to remember to just live for the day.
Living in the moment for me began to be difficult when for months I would be held up on the couch unable to play with my younger sister or attend school and see my classmates. My life was exactly like the groundhog's day movie and sometimes still is. Planning or imaging the future was my only escape. My life in the future is so much exciting than the present. I have done this for 12 years now and it's almost like an addiction. When I can't plan or am unorganized about something I must do I get anxious and feel uncomfortable. How do I change this? Do I want to change this?
Being a psych major has been exciting because not only do I understand others more but I'm beginning to understand me as well. It's scary but exciting at the same time. I don't know what the future will bring for me but I know what I want. I think if I can mix a bit of what I want with the flow of life I can create a good combination. I guess I just need to sit back a little bit and not try to control everything in my life so much. So lets see how that works!!!